Metallica shows us how it’s done (looking out for your friends, that is)
Back in 2022, while playing to a stadium full of rabid thrash metal fans in Brazil, Metallica singer/guitarist James Hetfield paused to address the crowd:
“I’ve gotta tell you, I wasn’t feeling very good before I came out here. Feeling a little bit insecure, like I’m an old guy, can’t play anymore — all this bullshit that I tell myself in my head. So I talked to these guys [gesturing toward the other three band members on the stage], and they helped me — as simple as that. They gave me a hug and said, ‘Hey, if you’re struggling onstage, we’ve got your back.’ And I tell you, it means the world to me.”
I already love this story. That’s a dude in a music genre often thought of as “hard” or “tough” showing vulnerability and fallibility in front of 60,000 people.
But it gets cooler. Before he could even finish speaking, his bandmates, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, and Robert Trujillo left their instruments, walked over to James, circled him, and gave him a group hug.
After the hug, James, with tears in his eyes, told the crowd: “And seeing you out there, I am not alone. I am not alone. And neither are you.”
This is friends taking care of friends. When they saw their friend hurting, they stopped what they were doing and rallied to his side, even in front of 60,000 people.
The fact that pictures of these guys used to be all over my teenage bedroom wall makes this story even more special to me. I put those pictures on my walls before I really knew anything about mental health struggles and addiction, and probably long before James and the other guys in Metallica thought much about these things. In the intervening years, life has taught me, and them, a lot of hard truths.
I now know a lot about mental health struggles and addiction. I have my own struggles. I have friends and loved ones who are struggling.
Look out for your friends. Listen for signs that they may be hurting. Ask how they’re doing—for real. Talk about stuff.
And give ‘em a hug when they need it.
I say these things, but I don't do them enough myself. Why do so many of us make this stuff so hard?
Since this is a blog on an employment lawyer’s website, I’ll add these two legal tips:
1. Mental health conditions are some of the most commonly asserted disabilities under the Americans with Disabilities Act. They are also often the most challenging for employers to accommodate. Here’s a concise summary of the law from the EEOC: https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/depression-ptsd-other-mental-health-conditions-workplace-your-legal-rightshttps://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/depression-ptsd-other-mental-health-conditions-workplace-your-legal-rights
2. Don’t hug anyone at work unless you are 100% certain they welcome the hug, or you risk facing a sex harassment claim.
James welcomed this hug.